My daughter, my sweet, snuggly, smart little girl, was gone. She was still here, but her mind, her personality, everything had changed overnight. She couldn’t complete a thought without prefacing it with “Maybe” or “I think”. Her germophobic behavior had turned into obsessively washing her hands, for long periods of time, and she’d gone through an entire bottle of soap in a day. Her little hands were chapped and chaffed. We ended up taking away all the liquid soap and replacing it with a gentler bar soap. She would wash her hands, over and over, reaching higher and higher up her arms. Then she would “soap up” the handle so she could touch it to turn it off. Eating a meal was a nightmare. She watched every move I made as I prepared her food, what I touched, when I washed my hands, and asked me, “Momma, you touched the cinnamon, is it clean? Are you hands still clean? Is the handle on the drawer clean? Is the edge of the counter clean? Is my sister clean?” She couldn’t eat a meal without asking me, over and over, if her hands, her fork, her plate, her cup, was clean.
Now I sat in her room and cried, rocking and crying in the chair in the corner, while she manically arranged her animals over and over, asking me, “Momma, I moved my horse a little bit, is that ok?”
Me, “Yes, Haley, your horse is ok.”
Haley, “You said, ‘Your horse is ok,’ I think, is that right?”
Me, “Yes, now go to sleep.”
Haley, “You said, ‘now go to sleep,’ I think.”
Like a game, but it wasn’t a game, it was a nightmare. Over and over she repeated herself, repeated me, arranged her animals. Couldn’t complete a thought. And I thought, “What has happened to our child? Lord, why is this happening? Please, Lord, please, give us our baby back.”
This blog is written by an anonymous mom. PANDAS disease is ugly. It’s practically unheard of, but it’s not rare. 1 in 200 kids has it. That’s right up there with childhood diabetes…but my pediatrician had never heard of it. This leads me to the question, how many kids out there are misdiagnosed, drugged for “behavioral issues”, OCD, schizophrenia, ADD, Autism, ADHD, Anorexic, or taken from their “bad” parents by well meaning doctors, teachers, and lawyers who don’t know about PANDAS. How many parents are searching for answers every night, in silent agony over losing their child, and have no one to talk to, no one who understands. This blog is for those parents. Those doctors. Those teachers. But mostly, it’s for those children. The ones with the fear in their eyes and the haunted look. The chapped and bloodied hands from washing incessantly. The lost childhood.
Lord, multiply this, share it with those who need it most. I don’t have time, or resources, or knowledge to get it into their hands. If it will bless them, let this reach them. In Jesus Name I pray for each hurting child. Amen.
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It is every parent’s responsibility to determine whether camel milk, donkey milk, specific supplements, the ACC protocol or other biomedical interventions are appropriate for their child.
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